How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse

Haha, ok so I just finished typing up an essay for my advanced composition class. It needed to be an Expository Essay, 1 1/2 to 2 pages in length. I emailed it in, read it, and felt so amused. It’s title is the same as this blog post. i really hope she has a good sense of humor, otherwise, my paper won’t be surviving the assignment. Here it is, feel free to comment on it, or give feedback on Facebook. Enjoy:

How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse
With so many movies that have been produced, I’m sure at least once we’ve all wonder this question, or a variation of it; “How would I survive a Zombie Apocalypse”? Well, for the most part, everyone thinks that they can just raid a gun store, get a group of people together, and escape the city, and everything will be better. I am here to tell you that you are fairly mistaken. These preconceptions of endless food, endless ammunition, and a safe haven are wild imaginations. If, or when, (more than likely the latter) the zombie apocalypse arrives, here are a few ways to ensure you are prepared to make it through it, all limbs intact.
Just because it hasn’t happened yet doesn’t mean you can’t be prepared for it. It is best to have a good quantity of bottled water and nonperishable foods, i.e, canned foods. You may not like them, but when you’re on the run from hoards of zombies looking to feast on your flesh, it’s good to be well nourished. However, if you are one of those people who already have more than enough “nourishment”, you might want to start exercising and go on a diet. Your weight may slow you down as you are running for your life, so maybe it’s best to get in shape. Unless you don’t mind being fed upon by your Uncle Bobby, it’s probably better to lose some weight, rather than lose your life.
Ok, you’re prepared for the zombies, you wake up one morning, and it has begun. The first thing you may think of is to arm yourself. If you don’t have a permit, don’t worry. The police probably won’t have illegal drivers as their main concern on that day. Hopefully, you don’t live to far away from the arms store in your city, and you can get there quickly. Whether you’re a lone-wolf only looking out for yourself, or a family member with a group, one thing is important to remember, THIS ISN”T A GAME. If you expend your ammunition, you cannot simply put in some code, and get more. Once it’s all gone, you’re kind of in a tough spot. If you’re alone, only shoot at what is dangerously close to you. For everything else, there are cars. Don’t worry, if you hit “Mary from down the street” with your truck, she probably won’t even comprehend it was you. If you’re with family, try to keep the youngest ones in the car, or someplace safe, protected by a responsible individual. Most importantly for groups, do not waste ammo by giving it to someone who is a poor shooter, or shoots like Scarface. Tell that person to stay close to someone who actually can hit what they aim at. After you’ve gotten the weapons and ammo, you can then head out of town, or barricade yourself in your home, which ever seems safer. Should you choose to leave, figure out what the main roads are, and stay away from those roads. As I always say, “If you’ve thought of it once, three other people have already thought about it twice”. Meaning if you think you’ll be able to get through those roads without traffic, think again. The “back roads” should be much less congested.
With these basic survival tips, you should be able to successfully last in the Zombie Apocalypse, by ensuring you have your food together before hand, you’re in-shape for the running experience, you know the location of arms stores, and you avoid highly congested roads. The best area to be during these tough times is in an isolated rural area, with miles between you and them. Sure you may get lonely, but Zombies aren’t the most talkative kind either.

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2 thoughts on “How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse

  1. Well one could easily survive by just taking a few steps. A stilted home (like the ones in most beach areas) are ideal for zombie survival. But anywhere that you can either demolish or pull stairs up will be a forever safe haven against a zombie apocalypse. As zombies do not have the ability to jump you will be perfectly safe.

    I suggest somewhere above the snowline as once it snows the zombies will freeze and you will be able to forage for materials and maybe even find a new safe house for the next year.

    One could out live the entire apocalypse and die a normal death only due to getting old as long as they took the time to prepare. I suggest you do a bit of research on zombie survival as most people have the ability, but not the brains to actually survive.

    And the zombies would only last so long before rotting so chances are they are all gone long before you die of old age.

    1. That may be true, but it depends on the generation of Zombies we’re talking about. Some zombies have been know to run, jump and even use chainsaws (See Resident Evil 5).

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