To say “I’m ok” right now would be a blatant lie. Unfortunately, I’ve lied a lot lately.
But I never could completely open up to people. Friends, family, lovers, I never knew how to properly express how I felt, so I never did. I’d mention some of what’s on my mind. Try to give a little insight, but I never knew how to let it all out. I don’t know why either.
Maybe I don’t want to be judged, maybe I’m afraid to let it all on the table, but I’ve always simply told myself I’d never be able to properly get my view across, so don’t try. I’d like to, but even having both sides of the conversation in my head, nothing makes sense. So if I can’t explain to myself how I feel, how could I possibly try to let someone else know? I would never want my views misconstrued in translation, because I don’t want the wrong points to come across.
It’s not to say I don’t trust those around me. I do. I just don’t trust myself.